To continue reading Dr. Gruder’s IntegrityWatch blog, posts from early January 2008 forward can now be found at http://www.thenewiq.com/blog.
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As the pundits analyze the meaning of underdogs Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee winning the Iowa Caucuses for their respective political parties, they might overlook the most obvious messages Iowans of both parties were joined sending. The obvious analysis is that both these candidates are seen more outsiders than insiders, meaning that Iowans are united in wanting change. The more useful analysis, though, is that Iowans are advocating that this year’s presidential race needs to be between two presidential candidates who are viewed as having the most integrity, character, honesty, and truthfulness , a more heart-oriented approach, and an ability to unite rather than continue our dangerous trend of divisive polarized spin-oriented politics. Stay tuned as we find out if these largely unspoken priorities turn out to be shared by the rest of the American people in the upcoming presidential primaries.

As I often do, I received an e-mail today from a well-meaning soul warning me about a particularly dangerous internet virus. As an act of Everyday Stewardship I DON”T immediately pass them along to anyone else. I first verify their accuracy.

I do this for as a matter of personal, relationship and collective integrity.

On the level of integrity with myself (personal integrity), only passing along information I have done my best to verify the credibility of is partly about self-respect. I don’t like myself when I am irresponsible.

On the level of relationship integrity, people’s lives are hectic and stressful enough without being sent unnecessary causes for concern. Forward to others these kinds of warnings before making certain they are accurate is asking those we care about to spend unnecessary time and experience unneeded stress.

On the level of collective integrity, all of us are already bathed in a culture of fear. Passing along items such as these before verifying them adds a totally unnecessary layer of fear to this climate. I believe this is a disservice to collective highest good. That is what makes this an opportunity to fulfill our roles as Everyday Stewards.
Verification of internet scams is simple to do, takes only a moment, and is, I believe, a matter of integrity and social responsibility in the Internet age. Verification involves a quick visit to one of the many reputable scam-monitoring websites. I most commonly start my research on either the Snopes website (www.snopes.com) or the Scam Busters website (www.scambusters.org). I simply enter the name of the alert and, voila, information comes up about whether that item is true, partly true or a lie. (You can find additional scam monitoring sites by Googling “internet scams” and “internet fraud.”

You can also simply Google the name of the alert item and then add the word “hoax” or “scam.”)

As an act of Everyday Stewardship, check all alerts to see if they are hoaxes before forwarding them to those you care about. Just because the person forwarded an alert to you is well-intended don’t blindly assume that that this means they have done their homework before forwarding the alert. Check yourself!

The same goes for supposed “news stories,” “commentaries” or “secret information,” especially items allegedly written by people whose credibility you trust, or forwarded to you by someone you trust. Agreeing or disagreeing with the information you receive does not always mean that it is true or accurate. This is a matter of discernment.

For more about discernment and becoming a better Everyday Steward, read my book, The New IQ: How Integrity Intelligence Serves Us All. It will be released in January 2008. In the meantime, sign up for my free sneak preview eCourse about the book by going to www.willingness.com, clicking on “Freebies” and then clicking on “Free eCourses.” Or, click here to go there directly.

A study of over 9000 British civil servants published in yesterday’s Archives of Internal Medicine confirms the connection between being miserably married and increased risks of heart problems. The study revealed that those in the most unhappy marriages were 34% more likely to have heart attacks or other significant heart problems than those in happy marriages.

Think about this study’s findings in terms of being in or out of integrity with our three core drives (authenticity/personal wellbeing, nourishing and effective connection with others, and having a positive impact in the world). The results illustrate how the more we are out of integrity with our core drive for positive connection with others, the more our integrity with ourselves also suffers, possibly to the point of being fatal. Conversely, the more we are in integrity with our core drive for positive connection with others, the more we are able to benefit from the extremely positive health benefits that good relationships have previously been shown to provide.

My forthcoming book, The New IQ: How Integrity Intelligence Serves You, Your Relationships and Our World, shows how to move into integrity with all three of your core drives.

To sign up for a free introductory eCourse about integrity intelligence, visit the Free eCourses page in the Freebies section of my website, www.willingness.com. Here is the direct link to that page:
www.willingness.com/ecourses.html

Jerry Sanders, mayor of San Diego, California, earlier this week changed his political position about gay marriage. I have closely watched the video of his announcement (the link is below).
http://cbs5.com/video/?id=26888@kpix.dayport.com

Many will agree with Sanders’ position and many will disagree. Some may say this was a political stunt on Sanders’ part. For me, all such arguments miss the point.

My intuitive sense in watching the Sanders video is that he was speaking from his heart about a decision he truly found to be a heart-wrenching one to make. As he said, in the end he chose to lead with his heart. My suspicion is that this is a man who dared to do some courageous inner grappling that too few of us allow or trust ourselves to do. The grappling he did was between the ideology to which he subscribes and his heart’s deepest sense of what is right.

Ideologies provide people with a sense of stability and predictability in an unstable and insecure world. When our need for stability and predictability overrules our heart’s deepest truth, deep inner turmoil always results. This turmoil can propel a person into even greater ideological rigidity or into a deeper state of teachability, depending on their inner courage or inner cowardace.

An ideology is simply an imperfect lens through which we attempt to make sense of a world that will always be far more complex than any one ideological lens can capture. Any leader who does not recognize this is a dangerous leader.

When any of us makes adherence to an ideology more important than listening to the voice for love, for our own deepest humanity, we have turned our ideology from our servant into our master. This kind of ideological rigidity is a form of fanaticism, and fanaticism is an illness that corrupts integrity and contributes profoundly to the problems we face in today’s world.

In contrast, having the courage and wisdom to allow our ideology to co-mingle with our deepest sense of love and inner knowing is a doorway to greater integrity. I applaud Jerry Sanders not as much for the position he took as for his courage to undertake the mighty inner battle between his own sense of humanity and his ideological convictions, and, in the process, allowing his ideological lens to be informed and transformed by his sense of humanity.

To me, this is an example of leadership integrity. Our stand on an issue is no measure whatsoever of our leadership integrity. The courage to do our own version of what Sanders did regarding any issues our ideology is in conflict with higher love is one of the measures of leadership integrity. The courage to arrive at whatever positions we arrive at through this kind of humility, rather than through ideological rigidity, is one of the measures of leadership integrity.

I applaud you for your role-modeling, Mayor Sanders.

Continuing his dedication to refusing to tolerate yet another example of lack of integrity, Roger Goodell, the head of the National Football League, fined New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick a record half million dollars for defying NFL rules by spying on his opponent’s coaches during a football game. This is the maximum financial fine Goodell is authorized to levee. He also fined the New England Patriots organization and additional quarter-million dollars. And he took away one of their draft picks in next year’s draft. Bravo, Roger Goodell.

Suspending Belichick for a game or two might have sent an even stronger message but I am still glad that action was considered, swift and decisive. It of course remains to be seen whether Goodell will go so far as to initiate an investigation into whether this spying was an isolated incident or a more regular habit. Nonetheless, Goodell’s actions are role-modeling not only to fellow professional sports leagues, but to all those involved in amateur athletics and child athletics, how crucial it is to preserve integrity in all forms of competition. This role-modeling sends a great message to organizers of child athletic leagues, to team coaches, to the children who play and to their parents.

Too bad someone doesn’t have this kind of power to discipline politicians, political pundits and lobbyists!

In yet another example of how leaders, political pundits and many others are helping to crush the public’s capacity to discern fact from spin, President Bush role-modeled this very problem during his speech last night. For the facts, click here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20766644

If this practice were a one-time aberration, or if only a few people did it, well… there are always a few rotten apples. But, it is being role-modeled every day in every way by far too many political, business and even some religious leaders, by lobbyists, by media pundits and talk radio hosts, and by everyday people across the political and ideological spectrum. After all, if so many leaders do it, it must be okay, right?

The truth is that is practice of making it impossible to distinguish supposed facts from actual spin clouds everyone’s capacity for discernment. This widespread practice renders even the most well-meaning people unable to make informed decisions despite their best intentions. This example of widespread lack of integrity undermines the very foundation of democracy and free society.

It is time for people across the political, ideological and advocacy spectrum to start insisting to the leaders, advocates and commentators that they support cease this practice once and for all. We need to focus less on attacking the “other side” for doing this and focus more on using our power where it can be felt, through insisting that “our side” stop doing this.

This post is a follow-up to my last one about how Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick role-modeled lack of integrity. This post is about how he may be beginning his long journey toward integrity.

After pleading guilty in court, Michael Vick issued an apology to the public, to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, to Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank, to Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino and to his teammates. He accepted his responsibility to shoulder the consequences he will experience due to his lack of integrity, which at this time appears likely to include prison time and having to return to the Atlanta Falcons millions of dollars from his football contract with them. He asked forgiveness and promised to redeem himself.

Good start. Long road ahead. I do not say this with anger or malice, but rather as encouragement and support.

Falcons owner Arthur Blank said he believed Vick’s comments were sincere and heartfelt, and that he accepted Vick’s apologies despite also understandably being “profoundly disappointed” in him. Baseball immortal Hank Aaron, a member of the Falcon’s advisory board, said he believes Vick’s apology was sincere. He also said, “I’ve never seen anybody who had so much ability who had fallen so far. He’s got to get his life straightened out and I think that he will. It’s too bad he had to fall this far in order to do it.”

Yes it is. Vick is by far not the first person who had to be what I call “bludgeoned into surrendering” his ego in order to fully open to true, deep and lasting transformation. I speak here as someone who also has had to be “bludgeoned into surrender” at times in my life.

Michael Vick has taken his first step toward bringing himself back into integrity. His words now need to not only be followed by actions that match those words but by an inner transformation process that makes him capable of consistently aligning his words and his actions from now on. Only time will tell the extent to which this occurs. He has my heartfelt best wishes on his journey. Perhaps he is ready to read my book, The New IQ: How Integrity Intelligence Serves You, Your Relationships and Our World. If anyone how reads this post knows Michael Vick, please contact me. I would be delighted to send Vick a pre-publication draft of the manuscript so he does not have to wait the January 2008 release date before he can get the final version.

Michael Vick is the now-indefinitely suspended Atlanta Falcons NFL quarterback who pleaded guilty earlier this week to charges related to funding the ugly and cruel business of dog-fighting matches and then gambling on the outcomes of the matches. He provides a particularly chilling and painful example of lack of two forms of integrity: Collective Integrity and Leadership Integrity.

By way of background, when most people think of integrity, they tend to focus most on Relationship Integrity. The most talked-about aspect of Relationship Integrity has to do with saying what we mean and meaning what we say. This includes making commitments we actually complete, keeping others informed in a timely way when our commitments need to change, and taking responsibility for consequences when we don’t follow through on a commitment or we don’t re-negotiate it in a timely way if it needs to change. There are more aspects of Relationship Integrity than this. I cover them in my book The New IQ: How Integrity Intelligence Serves You, Your Relationships and Our World, to be released in January 2008.

In addition to Relationship Integrity, there are three other aspects of integrity: Personal Integrity, Collective Integrity and Leadership Integrity. I cover all of these as well in The New IQ. Personal Integrity is about being whole and complete, which on a practical level begins with proper self-care rather than self-neglect or self-indulgence. It also includes more than that. In The New IQ I translate being “whole and complete” from a vague philosophical concept into specific day-to-day behaviors so that this aspect of integrity becomes do-able and useful.

Michael Vick illustrates being out of integrity with the other two aspects of integrity. He serves us all in a backhanded way, however, through providing an example of the kind of huge damage that is caused by lack of Collective and Leadership Integrity. It is these to aspects of integrity that I will feature in this post.

Vick was a leader, not simply of his Atlanta Falcons professional football team, but in a far more fundamental way that every single one of us is a leader: he was a role-model. It does not matter what a professional athlete thinks about whether or not s/he should be seen as a role-model. For instance, professional athletes have no control over the fact that they are looked up to by many children (and others too). The “what is” is that they are. Their choice to become professional athletes is their choice to decide what kind of relationship they will have with the fact that they will be seen as role-models. Vick’s abdication of Leadership Integrity harms children’s ability to look up to professional athletes. Beyond that, whether he likes it or not, Vick role-modeled awful things about males, professional athletes, and blacks. And this is just for starters!

Vick’s abdication of Leadership Integrity is also an abdication of Collective Integrity. A crucial aspect of integrity has to do with serving the highest good of the collectives of which we are a part. That is what Collective Integrity is all about. For starters, Vick is part of the following collectives: humanity, males, Americans, blacks, athletes and professional football players, and his own Atlanta Falcons team. Let us take a closer look at two of these aspects of Collective Integrity.
At the level of Collective Integrity with humanity, Vick abdicated our responsibility as members of humanity to be stewards of our planet. As part of this we have a responsibility to treat other creatures (in Vick’s case dogs) with honor and respect. Vick’s guilty plea indicates that he funded cruelty (dog fights) and also bankrolled betting on which dog could damage the other dog more (gambling). This dishonors and disrespects these creatures. Absolutely no version of collective highest good is being served by this.

At the level of Collective Integrity with his own Atlanta Falcons football team, Michael Vick abdicated his responsibility to his team. By making his own interest in harming dogs and gambling on dog fights more important than the team he led as its quarterback, he let down his team members and the owners of the team who invested a huge amount of money in an incredibly financially lucrative contact. He basically said to them that his self-centered desire to do what he wanted to do was more important than the horrible repercussions his being caught would cause to the Atlanta Falcons.

This is, to me, a classic example of one of the cornerstones of lack of Collective Integrity that has reached epidemic proportions in our world: entitlement. Vick appears to me to have believed that he was entitled to get away with breaking United States law as well as the ethics policies of the National Football League. He appears to me to have believed that those laws and ethics policies did not apply to him; that his super-star status should exempt him from having to obey them. I don’t know this for sure because I have no idea what inner motivations led to his choices. This is just what his behaviors imply to me.

What I do know is that Michael Vick is not a victim. He is an adult who made out-of-integrity choices and is responsible for the results his choices led to. Vick is now beginning to experience those consequences. At least he did not pull the all-too-popular stunt that so many try to pull these days: pleading innocent to what they know they are guilty of in order to escape having to experience the natural consequences of their choices to live out of integrity.

I applaud Michael Vick for taking this first step in bringing himself back into integrity. I believe he has many more steps to take before his journey back into integrity regarding this particular incident is complete. But that is another story for another time.

I also applaud Roger Goodell, the Commissioner of the NFL, for placing Vick on indefinite suspension (as of this posting) as a consequence of Vick’s actions. Goodell, in my opinion, has been taking vitally important steps during this past year toward restoring the integrity of the NFL through enforcing its own ethics and code-of-conduct policies. (I applaud his actions in The New IQ as well.) I hope this post makes it into Goodell’s hands because I would love to provide an Integrity Intelligence training program for NFL rookies as part of the life skills training the NFL so wisely offers them!

The Vatican has issued a set of guidelines to help bring motorists into what I would term Driving Integrity.  Here are the Vatican’s “Ten Commandments for Motorists:”

1. You shall not kill
2. The road shall be for you a means of communication between people and not of mortal harm
3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events
4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin
6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting to condition to do so
7. Support the families of accident victims
8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness
9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party
10. Feel responsible toward others

How people drive can be a powerful reflection of their integrity as well as reflecting aspects of their integrity that are in need of upgrading.  I urge you to practice being a compassionate driver who drives (and parks!) in ways that serve collective highest good.